We've reached that part of the semester where life is just tests on tests on tests. Every semester it gets a little more unbearable because I just want to be done with schooling so, so much. Basically everyone else I know already is, and it's getting a little more frustrating to have to keep going.
I had to take two tests yesterday, the first being at 9:30. I spent the whole weekend studying for both of them, and did a little more in the morning right before rushing out the house. The first test came and went, and I won't get those results for a week. I feel like it went well, though.
Then I spent another half hour studying for my next test, felt like my brain had reached full capacity and I wouldn't get anymore benefit from studying more, and I went to my spin class. After spin class I went straight to take the test. Maybe that was the mistake. I pushed myself hard in spin and wasn't feeling super great since I hadn't really eaten since 7AM, and I was extremely tired. I took the test and while I was taking it, I felt like I totally understood all of it. I felt like I knew what the questions were asking, and I left feeling pretty good. Then I checked my score and found out I'd just received the lowest score on any test I've ever taken. The real kicker? This is basically the easiest class I've ever taken, and I just bombed the test.
Now, I'm not stupid. Maybe I'm just average, and that's okay, but I still hold myself to a fairly high standard. I'm not a perfectionist or a perfect student. I work two jobs, have two church assignments, and am also a full time student, so I have a couple Bs here and there. I'm okay with not doing perfect, but I've always been a pretty good test taker. Seeing that low, ugly percentage absolutely ruined my day.
But I didn't really have time to get mad about it. I was - still am - mad, but I had other things to do. I went to my evening class, came home and made dinner, finished some work assignments due for the next day, and then did a bunch of ironing and went to bed.
Today? Today I have more time to be mad. Mad at myself, mostly. Even though I still have a lot of work to do, I have a few hours before I have to work. So I decided to comfort myself with baking.
I have a bunch of bananas that didn't get eaten in time (typical), and decided to make some banana bread. I also have a zucchini I need to use but....but I'll do that next time. Probably tomorrow, if I'm still feeling low.
I found this recipe for a cinnamon swirl banana bread and just couldn't resist trying it out, since I always love a fun new twist on things. It's super easy to make, and oh my does it smell good.
The thing is, we all have bad days. Sometimes those days can be a week or a month, but the point is that there are just some rough times in everyone's life. It can be a small thing (like not doing well on a test), or it can be a big thing, but that's just how it goes. Life isn't about focusing on the bad. Even though I feel pretty stupid about myself right now, I know that overall I'm better than one test score that nobody will remember in three months.
I'm also very happy that I've taken a small three hour break for myself today in order to put make something delicious that I can enjoy with a nice cup of tea. The last few weeks have had me going 110%, and it's not slowing down any time soon. Kev started a new job, but is still going part time at his other one for now. That basically means that we're getting up at 5:30 now, and that's probably been the toughest part of this week. I'm just amazed that I've somehow been able to manage to get everything checked off my to-do lists and haven't lost my mind or given up the cleanliness of my house yet.
Will most likely be found traveling, reading, writing, or somehow doing all three. Passionate about books, culture and art.